There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I have post one night stand depression
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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