i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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