sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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