OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
