Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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