a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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