what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There was a lot of him and a little penis
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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