the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
