I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We were destined to go to rehab together
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
