Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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