Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
