I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
