Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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