i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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