Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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