your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
