Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
