I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
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