Who wears a wallet chain?!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
