There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Your dad touched me again.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
