He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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