I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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