I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I CAN MOONWALK!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
