Don't make out with my wife yet
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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