Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
