4 words: hood of his car
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
