he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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