So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
