just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
