So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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