How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dick very happy bro
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