Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
