Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
