Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
