im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
