where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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