considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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