i just sent this text using only my big toe
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
