wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
