And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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