Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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