Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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