that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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