It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
