Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
