i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
