I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
