I'm lost and stupid without you.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
