her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
