The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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