Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
