I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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