I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
