weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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