Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
