You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
