I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Damn victory sex feels great
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
