omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
