Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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