My friends, they love my intelligence
My brain says no but my pants say off.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
