while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
