I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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