I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
