No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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