I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The uberlube is also flammable
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
