are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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