i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
