How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
