ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
